Positive Masculinity

Men praying - image courtesy of Freely Photos

CATHEDRAL NEWSLETTER 22 August 2024

Friends in Christ, this month, Micaela Cronin, the country’s first Domestic, Family and Sexual Violence Commissioner, handed down her first 'report card' to federal parliament on progress of the government’s National Plan to End Violence against Women and Children. 

She said that the Australian Institute of Criminology (AIC) reports that in 2023–24, 43 women were victims of intimate partner homicide, compared with 34 in 2022–23. While we have seen a not-insignificant decline in homicides over the past three decades, the AIC reported this was a 28% increase in the rate of women killed by intimate partners in 2022–23, and a further 25% increase in 2023–24.

Commissioner Cronin added:

We know that these numbers do not show the full extent of lives lost and harm done. Many more women and children are living with the terrible impact of gender-based violence every day. We know from research that publicly available data is likely to underestimate the true extent of domestic, family and sexual violence.

Every life lost to is one too many. Every person who lives with the on going impact of domestic, family or sexual violence requires us to strive to do better.

Dramatically, her report said family and sexual violence needs to be taken as seriously as terrorism, although it is not helpful to call it the same name. But acting on it is just as urgent, and similar tools could be used, e.g. for monitoring risky behaviour.

Although gender-based inequality is undoubtedly a huge driver, I am pleased that the Commissioner avoided a mono-causal focus on what is a complex issue. In her introduction, she wrote:

We are witnessing the first generation to grow up exposed to violent pornography and misogyny online in a way that has never been seen before. Participants at the crisis talks convened by the Commission in May raised the importance of acknowledging the role of factors such as alcohol and other drugs, gambling, and pornography in promoting violence. While these factors do not in themselves cause violence, there is strong evidence that they contribute to reducing inhibition and result in more serious violence. There are now calls to have serious, evidence-based discussions about the role these factors have on violence and what levers the government can use to mitigate them.

Also highly significant in my view, Ms Cronin urged governments to help redefine masculinity and engage men effectively. She said, “we need to have eyes on men in different ways than we do now”. She said she was being told consistently by women to “please work with our men” and data uncovering how men become violent and stopped being violent was desperately needed. [Source]

It's at this point I offer some Christian reflections.

I do this as one who has led the development of Sydney Anglican policy on responding well to domestic abuse over the last deacde. (See our flow chart and quick referral table here).

I also write as one who believes in the biological reality than men and women are not identical and interchangeable. Some of the implications are obvious, or should be, for such things as sporting competition, where differing strengths are significant, and for childbirth. And according to God's word, there are some further implications on how we may order our family and church.

Yet as our Creator says, men and women are made equally in the image of God (Genesis 1:27).

And so, unsurprisingly, the gospel offer of Jesus Christ comes to men and woman equally. We are all sinners, and we may all receive forgiveness and hope through trusting Christ, and his atoning death and resurrection! And most instructions for Christian living are applied equally to men and women.

But in considering the Commissioner's invitation above to address masculinity, I thought I would mention a few places where the Bible speaks to men in particular. For example, Paul says to men (using the specific word for male, not the generic for humankind):

Therefore I want the men everywhere to pray, lifting up holy hands without anger or disputing. (1 Timothy 2:8).

He seems to identify a typical temptation for men towards aggro, which may lead to abusive words, or maybe, even physical violence, if they they raise their hands as fists. Instead, the godly masculine alternative is to pray. (Of course, all women are invited to pray too, and it certainly makes sense if tempted towards anger.) 

Not social media flame wars. Not shouting. Not the threats that your strength might permit you to get away with.

But prayer. That's what a real Christian man does. 

Likewise, the same older leader instructs the younger male pastor, Timothy this way:

Do not rebuke an older man harshly, but exhort him as if he were your father. Treat younger men as brothers, older women as mothers, and younger women as sisters, with absolute purity. ( 1 Timothy 5:1-2)

Men are never to treat women as objects. You are to think how you would like your sister or mother to be treated, and treat all woman that way.

That's biblical masculinity. Not demanding your rights. Not claiming ownership. Not demeaning women by sexist or sexual joking. 

Paul instructs another regional Christian overseer, Titus, with regard to men this way (and he has instructions for women in the same context):

2 Teach the older men to be temperate, worthy of respect, self-controlled, and sound in faith, in love and in endurance.

6 Similarly, encourage the young men to be self-controlled. (Titus 2:2,6)

Here are some positive traits for men (and women) to pursue (and we could add others elsewhere, like humility, patience and gentleness, which are fruits of the Spirit).

But here also is a warning that you can never excuse poor treatment of women or children by claiming a loss of control. That does not wash with God. 

I have been writing about this for years, for example, this opinion piece on domestic violence in the Sydney Morning Herald, on loving your wife and never being harsh with her. 

It astonishes me that Christian men still get sucked into thinking that the heart of masculinity is being an 'alpha', or aggression, or sexual domination, or getting others to submit to you, or throwing your weight around.

Stay away from people like 'influencer' Andrew Tate.

Such strength as you have is always to be used in love and service of others.

This may mean be courageous and strong enough to speak up against ungodly expressions of masculinity or in defence of women who are being demeaned. 

And women should never feel spiritually obliged to submit to violence or coercive control in a relationship. Here's the Doctrine Commission's report on The Use and Misuse of Scripture with Regard to Domestic Abuse (Chinese version: 教义委员会(Doctrine Commission) 有关涉及家庭暴力时，对经 文的使用和滥用的意见)

Yes, there is something to say for encouraging men to taking positive initiatives.

And God's Word gives good guidance on the sort of things for men to take the initiative in: prayer, purity, and self control; and Christian faith, love and endurance. 

Whether expressed by a personality that's loud or quiet, serious or playful, sporty or arty etc., these attributes are, I believe, attractive and will adorn your walk with Christ. 

Warmly in Christ,

Sandy Grant
Dean of Sydney